MOVE OUT

Move to my new life page, www.apsychojournal.blogspot.com



xoxo
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thanks god, it's him

dear blog, gue udah balik dari singapore. yes a lot of thing i bought there. dan super kangen sama mas rayku. dia hari ini ke bandung, cari kosan dan ngurus registrasi ke unpad. besok juga gue bakal ke untar, jadi nanti pas ketemu gue sama dia sama sama pamer alamamater hehehe ;)

bagaimana kelanjutan hubungan gue? jawabannya lancar lancar saja. amat lancar malah. makin hari dia semakin baik, dan dia bukan tipe penuntut. sabar sekali. semoga ini bukan cuma karena baru kenal tapi karena emang sifat dia begitu. yah meskipun pernah satu sekolah tapi gue ga deket banget ya sama dia blm tau persis dia kaya apa. tapi insyaallah pelan pelan, dia belajar memahami gue seperti apa dan gue juga belajar memahami dia seperti apa. semoga aja pdkt yang long distance ini lancar sampe kita bisa bener bener ngeresmiin ini semua.

buat ray, kalo dia baca blog ini, aku sayang sama kamu. dari dulu, dari sejak kamu bilang kamu suka sama aku waktu kita kelas 1. meskipun sempet misah dan perasaan sayang ini udah mampir ke banyak orang, begitu ketemu lagi, perasaan ini ada lagi. meskipun sekarang kita dipisahin lagi sama jarak, semoga dengan tetap komunikasi perasaan yg udah dateng lagi ini ngga hilang lagi kaya dulu :)


xoxo

Still, and keep tryin'

Day 3rd here, can't wait to go home early. Still worried you know. Sepertinya melepas pergi dia lebih susah daripada melepas pergi mantan. Jangan pernah tanya kenapa karena gue juga gabisa jawab. Gue cuma bisa kasih jawaban yg kurang memuaskan.

Sebenernya dulu sudah tenang, setelah meyakinkan diri sendiri kalo dia bener bener sayang sama gue. Tapi setelah gue pikir pikir ternyata lebih susah ngeyakinin diri sendiri daripada diyakinin orang lain. Dan jujur aja, buat sekarang gue belum yakin.

Masih ada waktu buat terus meyakinkan diri gue dan ngeliat keseriusan dia sama gue. Tapi seperti janji gue sama diri sendiri, gue akan tetap disamping dia dalam keadaan apapun. Meskipun ini bukan relationship, gue berharap ini bisa bikin kita bertahan. Semoga dengan ga adanya status gini bisa bikin kita makin kuat buat ngejalanin semuanya.

Gue ga berharap banyak. Gue tau nanti pasti ada cewe lain yg mikat hati dia, lebih deket dari dia. Pasti ada gue tau. Gue ga bakal ngelarang dan ga bakal marah, toh bukan salah dia kalo dia harus jauhan sama gue. Yah semoga aja kuliah bikin kita sangat sibuk jadi gue ga bakal punya waktu buat galau. Tapi bbm setiap hari itu wajib. Karena gue bisa tau dia baca atau ngga pesen gue dari bbm. Daaaan, yah dia ga mungkin ga aktifin bbm.

Yg jadi masalah buat gue sekarang itu karena makin hari gue makin ngerasa sayang sama dia. Dan gue takut kalo perasaan sayang itu nanti mesti gue kubur dalem dalem sama kaya rasa sayang gue sama semua cowok yg udah bikin gue patah hati. Yah selama ini gue adalah pihak yg menunggu, bukan ditunggu. Yg mengharap, bukan yg diharapkan. Thanks God, gue punya alesan untuk merubah total diri gue. Luar dan dalam oke.

Dan yeah, maybe itu untuk dia yg udah mereserved hati gue. Gue cuma pengen nanti waktu dia siap buat secara resmi ngebuat semua ini jadi official, gue bukan cewe memalukan buat dipamerin. Ya meskipun sekarang gue serba tertutup dan gue gamau merubah itu, paling ngga gue gamau dikira cewe kolot dari jaman batu. Walaupun sebenernya gue pengen banget lepas ketertutupan gue ini. I mean, emang semua yg serba keren itu cuma buat yg ngga tertutup ya? Kenapa semua yg pengen gue contoh harus terbentur sama kerudung. Gue ga nganggep kerudung gue sebagai pengganggu tp gue juga gasuka kalo semua yg pengen gue pake begitu gue gabungin sama kerudung gue bikin gue terlihat kaya ibu ibu -_- dan for sure, gue lebih suka memperlihatkan rambut gue ini. Mungkin kalo ga karena inget nyokap gue yg pasti bakal ngusir gue dari rumah kalo gue berani lepas kerudung, dari sejak putus dari orang itu udah gue buang semua kerudung gue. Gue benci jadi gabisa pake apa yg pengen gue pake, ngelakuin apa yg pengen gue coba lakuin, cuma karena gue berkerudung.

Xoxo
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Life lesson

It's still morning. The sun goes bright but not my heart. But I try to understand. Try to let him go. As long as he promise me to study hard there. I still promise to punch him whenever he got a bad score.

I'm on my way to airport. Gotta get some fresh air on Singapore. And for the real reason, try to let him. I know he'll back if he's mine. And I'm proud, that, altough it's not officially, he is mine.

I promise I'm not gonna cry again. I don't want to make him worry. Even I don't know it's a true worried or the fake one. But hear that he worried about me makes me happy. Menas that I have a place in his heart. I don't wanna be negative. I know I have a place in his heart.

So that's what I want to share this morning, I'll see you in Singapore.

xoxo
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new life chapter

dear blog,

it's been a month since i've been graduated from high school. a lot of news i want to share. the good one, i already got a university for continued my future. the bad one, i'm a single ladies now. how it happen, lemme tell ya

we've been broke up about a month ago. for real, i dumped him. not because i hate him, but because i don't think that he could accepted my life since we in different world. he's in job training and i'm in university. we have a different world now. and from what he did to me, i don't think that he could accept it.

what do you say? i was mean? yes absolutely, i was mean.but it would be better now than we already entered that world then we fight everyday just because a lil' problem. so here i am, fresh graduate, single, and my heart is still empty.

but wait, i forgot to tell ya that someone already book my heart. he's my ex. my first boy when i'm entering my senior high school's world. he is RAYDINDA RIZKO PRAHESANANDY. oh right, for anyone who already know his name, yes he is mine again. not mine for officially maybe since we never said that we want to be together officially but we know that we had each other. but the problem is, he's heading to padjajaran and i'm stuck here. it's not a big problem maybe, but for me, it is.

can you imagine how life would be if you are far away from family, with a lot of beautiful girls around you, and no one can checking your life everyday? yeah that is our problem. i still can't accept that he would be there. i mean it's not about the distance, it's about him. i just got him back and now it's like i have to let him go. no one knows what will happen. i'm not ready to be hurt yet. even he said that he loves me and he won't let me go. no one knows buddy, no one knows.

that's why even i had a change, i still cry everyday. i know it would be hard for him too. but i still can't believe that he won't love other girls there. still can't.

for sure, i need a commit. but if i always ask for a commit, i know it would make him confused. that's why i try to understand. just hope that he wouldn't broke his promises to me

I FOUND IT!

I found it!
Someone who can understand me, taking care of me, and really really into me

Thanks, for always there and been there for me
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...

Hello world, we haven't meet since last month, have we?

2 months again, and then I know he would change. He maybe not the guy who told me that he loves me a year ago again, but I know, until that time, he would loves me.

For sure, I am scared. I'm scared to lose him. He's the one, and always be for me. Altough I never know and didn't want to know what he doing back at me, I know he will always come back to me.

Okay, back in Indonesian

Sebentar lagi pengumuman, dan setelah kelulusan, gue tau dia mungkin akan berubah. Dia ga akan jadi seperti apa yg gue tau dulu. Dia bakal punya dunianya sendiri dan gue akan punya dunia gue sendiri. Gue mungkin akan tetap sama, gue akan tetap jadi orang yg selalu ada di samping dia seperti sekarang. Gue takut dia yg berubah. Apalagi pasti ada wanita wanita lain yg jauh lebih dewasa dan lebih menarik daripada gue yg gendut dan jelek ini, gue takut dia tergoda.

Meskipun nyokap gue selalu bilang kalo gue jodoh sama dia mau pisah berpuluh puluh tahun kek, mau dia udah nikah berkali kali kek, dia bakal balik sama gue, gue gamau. Gue mau gue jadi temen hidup dia yg pertama dan terakhir, dan gue juga mau dia jadi yg sama. Gue gamau disatuin sama dia dengan status dia bekas jadi temen hidup orang lain atau gue bekas temen hidup orang lain. Karena gue gamau ngedapetin kebahagiaan dengan cara sama kaya nyokap gue. Gue gamau anak gue harus ngerasain apa yg gue rasain. Gue mau anak gue, sejak dia lahir sampe akhir hidup dia, cuma punya satu pasang orang tua. Gue, dan dia.

Masalah gue cuma satu, emosi dan rasa sayang gue yg berlebihan sama dia jadi gue seperti ngekang dia. Dan sebenernya gue tau betul dia ga suka gue yg begitu. Tapi gue gatau harus gimana kalo dia sendiri gamau jujur sama gue dan bikin gue harus tau semuanya dari orang lain. Gue takut kalo semua omongan itu cuma supaya gue jauh dr dia, tapi gue mesti gimana kalo gue sendiri ngerasa omongan itu bener dan dia begitu? Gue takut...
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